Whod you bang
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
