If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
