Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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