HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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