Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
