apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
