sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
