i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
