My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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