just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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