Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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