I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
