just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
