hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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