I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
