i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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