how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
two words: eviction party
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
