we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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