i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
