he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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