look no pants
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
