DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
