About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
where are my eyebrows?
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