I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
