Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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