I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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