she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
