Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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