please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
