Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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