I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
