He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
