so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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