Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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