I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Still dying that you shit outside
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
