He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
