I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
