She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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