I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
