i barfeds in our rink
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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