dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
