dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't notice because vodka
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
