update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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