I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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