This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
