Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My cat gives me a boner
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
