Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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