If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
