i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
