just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to get me chipped asap
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
