you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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