I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
