You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the day after is always just damage control
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
