I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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